she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
