what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
