It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
