She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
