What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize