My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
