dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just pynch a tree in the face
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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