just tell him i said nine months
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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