oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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