this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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