Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
