What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
