i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
