I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
BRING THE BAGELS
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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