Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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