Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
