I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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