Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
