I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
