why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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