Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
