Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
