it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
