fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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