herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
