i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize