The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
