Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
