he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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