i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have tasted many bathrooms
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
