this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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