Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
3pm strippers are depressing
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize