My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
