Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We're using joints as your birthday candles
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
