I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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