Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
