This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
