There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
