What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
