The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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