Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
the liver wants what the liver wants
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
