Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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