This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's shark week go big or go home
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
