hotel room ftw
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
