He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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