that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
