I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
