so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
