im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
