I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
