hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
