I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
