I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
