I need help removing her.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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