I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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