batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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