i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't deserve a penis
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
