And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
