i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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