Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
