ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize