I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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