ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
