i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
