i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
