We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's shark week go big or go home
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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