I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
