i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This is the high leading the old right now
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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