I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
