is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
