i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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