thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Randomize
