So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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