..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he thought i was a dude.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
