I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
