So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
