Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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