Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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