hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize