I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
