Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
