Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
