You just made me feel so damn special
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
