no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
