Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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