I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
