The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
