we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
