At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
