I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
