my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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