We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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