What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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