That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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