i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
