do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
