What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
