she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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