My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize