Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
