when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
